Harvey Slaadman

"I will poop on your brain."


One day, when the party found itself in a bit of a jam and was needing the assistance of a number of manual laborers to dig a pit, the adventurers called upon Arronax for assistance. Arronax offered to hire out some Modrons for a hefty sum of gold…or a Slaad for one copper. While the party purchased the Modron labor (Modrons being very reliable and dedicated workers), it also seemed like a good idea to hire the Slaadi just to see what would happen. After all, it was only a copper.

The summoned Slaad turned out to be precious little help at all. Rather than contribute to the digging project, he opted to go around shouting garbled nonsense at the top of his lungs. His shouting was especially distinctive in that the Slaad’s voice would rise precipitously in pitch towards a climax at the middle of a sentence, and then collapse in a breathless rush to finish the last few words. When the party members attempted to take him to task, he shouted “I will poop on your brain!” He then shoved his own arm into his voluminous frog-like gullet and began to chew it off at the elbow, with much smacking of tongue and teeth. Owing to his regenerative capabilities, his arm regrew only moments after he had managed to eat it off.

Finding a perverse fascination in this bizarre display, the heroes have subsequently looked for any and all excuses to summon the slaad back to Uldrus. Most recently, they found cause to summon him as a lawyer when Rhyken was up on criminal charges in the courts of Drogue. Now calling himself Harvey Slaadman and wearing a tweed suit that he promptly chewed to pieces in another act of auto-cannibalism, the slaad’s legal arguments consisted of such gems as “Two plus two equals round!” and “Fluorescent liver is funny.” For some inexplicable reason, the Dwarven judge found Harvey’s behaviour to be unacceptable, and was about to whack him upside the head with an axiomatic warhammer gavel before Mr. Slaadman warped back to his home in Limbo. Perhaps Harvey Slaadman’s efforts did little to help Rhyken’s case, but when you hire a lawyer for a single copper, you can only expect to get what you pay for.

While Harvey Slaadman’s antics have proven utterly useless in nearly every situation, the heroes still find reasons to summon him regularly. Surely, it will only be a matter of time before Harvey Slaadman appears to inflict idiocy on the Prime Material plane once again.

Harvey Slaadman

Uldrus: Ice and Darkness AnimaUmbrae